I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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