I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
