no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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