my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
