i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
