just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
love makes seman taste better
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
