I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
