Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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