i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
