I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
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I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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