we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just want nice things and good sex
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
