He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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