Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize