Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
