i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
