Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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