i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
