the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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