All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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