Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
