I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
