and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
