first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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