I think I died a long time ago.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
