im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
