Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
