I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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