I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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