My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Even my vagina gasped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize