i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
