I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
