We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
