Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize