It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The uberlube is also flammable
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
