Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
