the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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