so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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