If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
