o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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