i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
