I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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