yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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