WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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