Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
