can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
