I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
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Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
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OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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