Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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