Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
