your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
