I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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