got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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