Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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