when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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