my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Bring me that man meat
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
