i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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