Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
