I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
