Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
