I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
