She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
