When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
