we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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