Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
