Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
