he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
