He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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