my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
