Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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